It can be difficult to be vulnerable and consistently kind when we grew up with people who were cold, punishing, or had their own difficulty giving and receiving love. For example, it may be hard to stay connected and trust someone completely when we grew up feeling insecure and neglected. While none of us choose to fall out of love, many of us are unaware of the defenses we’ve formed and adaptations we’ve made that may now limit us in our ability to stay close and connected to our partner. Giving and receiving love actually challenges our core defenses, early adaptations we formed to protect ourselves against the ways we were hurt.” “Early experiences of feeling hurt or rejected can injure our ability to connect with and sustain our loving feelings. Lisa Firestone, co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships. “Almost every one of us struggles, to some degree, to stay connected to our loving feelings,” said Dr. “finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.” Lasting love is possible, but it isn’t always easy. After conducting a 75-year longitudinal study from Harvard University, researcher George Vaillant and his team concluded that the keys to happiness were 1. There are many reasons relationships change for the worse, but what’s perhaps most valuable to consider is our own struggles surrounding love and intimacy. Is it possible/worthwhile to reconnect with my feelings and fall back in love?Īs I said, one of the most challenging mysteries we encounter in life is where all those feelings go when we fall out of love.What are the signs that I’ve fallen out of love?.To understand our own experience of falling out of love, we should consider three things: We must be sure that, if we leave, we know it’s for the right reasons, and if we stay, we’re doing all we can to feel the most alive and in love. It’s necessary to make sense of these feelings. Many of us question our relationship when our feelings start to fade. However, it involves some effort, avoidance of certain relationship trappings, and a willingness to overcome some of our own defenses and fears.īecause we bring so much to the table when it comes to our relationships and our feelings about those relationships, it’s valuable to practice self-reflection and look inward to help explore the question of where did our love go. Do we fall out of love for the right reasons? Is it possible to stay in love for the long-haul or fall back in love after falling out of it? You may be surprised that the overwhelming answer for many in the scientific community is YES. However, when we talk about why so many people experience falling out of love with someone who once lit them up and filled them with joy, we have to question what goes on that creates this shift. No one should ever force themselves to stay in any situation in which they feel miserable and less like themselves. Others get to know themselves better and realize they were never really in love but in fantasy. Some people change in real ways that make them grow apart. There are real reasons people find themselves unhappy and wanting to move on. Of course, when some relationships end, it’s for the best. What happened to that excitement and admiration that once made us come alive? According to many experts who’ve studied relationships, this mystery is something worth exploring when we feel ourselves falling out of love.īefore diving further into the subject of why we fall out of love and what we can do to make sense of these feelings, it’s important to note that many of the reasons we fall out of love are valid. The period in which we realize that our feelings have changed tends to be riddled with confusion. Not only are we losing something valuable, we are also caught up in the mystery surrounding that loss. It’s one of the most painful processes to endure. Falling out of love is like losing a part of ourselves that was once illuminated. When love starts to fade, before we even face the potential loss of the person we’re with or the relationship we’re in, many of us mourn the loss of something inside us. Love, Relationship Advice, Relationship Problems, Relationships
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